Fear

"I've never met a champion who was afraid to lose"

This is a quote from Gary Hall Jr, and if you don't know who that is just do a quick google search or talk to a swimmer.  It's very true, you just can't reach your potential if you're afraid to put yourself out there.  From personal experience, I have seen many athletes much more talented than me fall victim to the fear of losing.  Take swimming for example.  Most swimmers get into the sport before they are 10 years old.  There are many who are successful at a young age, when everyone has the same amount of training under them (zero), but then at some point winning becomes harder.  For some it's high school, others college or as a professional.  Talent can take you to a point, but it is a poor indicator of long term success.  Those who are afraid to fail tend to quit or lose their passion for the sport when the going gets tough.  If they do stay in it, it's likely they won't ever achieve all that they're capable of.

I think one reason I've stuck with the sport and have reached the level I have is because I'm not afraid to lose. (Please don't confuse that with not wanting to win)  I used to lose all the time, so I know that I'm not going to explode, the world isn't going to end, etc.  I became a swimmer at age 11, well after many of my friends and on top of that I had no natural talent whatsoever in the water.  It was 5 or 6 years before I legitimately won a race, and generally I got beat pretty handily.  In fact, I used to sign up for the butterfly at dual meets, even though I was terrible at it, because there were usually fewer than 3 people in the race so even if I got last (almost guaranteed) I'd still get a ribbon as long as it was legal (questionable at times).  This was impossible in freestyle, where everyone raced.

Don't let your sport define you as a person.

I'm a triathlete; I compete in triathlons and I take them seriously.  When I'm on the starting line I want to do the best I can, I want to do better than what I've done in the past, and I want to win if possible.  If I win, it means I won the race, nothing more.  It doesn't make me a better person outside of sport just because I was fast.  I'm not somehow more important than those I beat.  If I lose, all it means is that.  I don't think of myself any less than I did before, and no one else better, either.  When people define themselves by their success in their sport, that is when you get all sorts of other complexes I see all too often in athletes.  Arrogance, under-confidence, dislike for those who push themselves to try to be competitive (never understood that one) or even various levels of depression sometimes.

On a mostly related note, I was once asked by a friend before a race, "So are you here to have fun, or are you going to try to win?"  Unfortunately this is an all too common thought process, as if somehow you have to choose one or the other.  My answer, "Both" was immediate and automatic because it is how I always approach events.  Pushing myself, working hard, improving and competing is enjoyable to me.  It wouldn't be though if I was constantly afraid of what might happen.  If that were the case, competition would oftentimes be a very unpleasant and uncomfortable experience.

I've come a long way as an athlete, which has actually helped me come a long way as a person, although it's not because of what I've accomplished, but what I went through to accomplish it.  As I progress and get faster, it's becomes easier to fall into fear of losing, because of expectation.  However it's still just racing, the same as it always has been.  When you remember how you got somewhere, by being fearless, then you know how to move forward.  Don't let your accomplishments or burden of expectation hold you back by worrying about what other people think.

While I have never succumbed to the fear of losing in racing, I realized late last year that I did have some deep seated fears involving triathlon that were holding me back.  I didn't even fully realize it until I really thought about it and tried to identify it, but once I did it became obvious.

As I've made public for some time now, my current short term goal in triathlon is to earn an elite license and race as a pro.  These were my two primary fears-

1.  How long is it going to take?  I've been at this for awhile now.
2. Once I turn pro, will I be able to compete and/or continue to improve?

Since the sport has improved along with me, it's taking me longer to accomplish this goal than I originally expected.  I've given up a lot to chase this, and I was starting to try to rush things.  By reminding myself to focus on what I can control, try to improve a little each day, and to realize that it will happen when it happens was huge in freeing myself from this self imposed anxiety.

The second fear was probably the more important of the two.  I know that I can eventually make it into the elite field, but when I do I'm going to go from the top 5% of amateur athletes to the bottom 5% of pro athletes.  It'll be a humbling experience and I don't know what potential I may have to move higher than that.  Because of this I realized that I was hanging onto the side of the pool as I jumped into the deep end, so to speak.  I wasn't going for it 100% because I was worried about failing as a pro.  Then it hit me that this is just a different form of the fear of losing that I considered myself immune to.

I remembered that if I had told any coach, teammate or teammate's parent back in high school that I would some day wear a USA uniform for any sort of athletic event they would never have believed me. (with one exception)  The only reason I have is because I went for it despite evidence that I would probably not make it.  So last year I decided to make some changes, put myself in the situation that I need to succeed, and go for it with no tether holding on to the side of the pool.  And to finally put this fear to bed, I reminded myself of why I got into the sport, and why I want to race at the next level.  Because I enjoy the competition and have fun with the sport.  I don't know what my ultimate potential is, but that doesn't scare me anymore.  If I never progress beyond the bottom 5% of the pro field, who cares as long as I'm competing and enjoying myself.  But you better believe that I'm going to give it everything I have to see how far I can get.